first Ironman build
I signed up for my first Ironman in 2021 and decided to document the process of the 12-week build as I thought that no matter what happened it would be a pretty special time. And special it was, and despite the unfortunate outcome (somehow I got Covid 5 days before the event so I didn’t do it!), I think completing this training block was a great achievement which elevated me as an athlete both physically and mentally. I picked the motto ‘trust and believe’ as my level of confidence in getting through this injury free was so low at the beginning, that I needed something to remind me to have faith.
1 April 2022
Ironman block about to start
It’s been a while.
It’s been a bit flat, grey. Not in a bad way, flat is not uphill and grey is not black.
Also being ok with flat and grey is one thing done well since the beginning of the year, this would be very uncomfortable in the past.
At the same time it’s been bumpy, in terms of tiny niggles that for me, raise the alarm and can drive me nuts with the decision-making; balancing between learning from past mistakes but not hold back too much to hinder progress. But who’s to say the balance is right? I guess the results will tell. And it’s never been comfortable so there’s no way I’ve erred too much to the side of caution. It’s just me questioning myself, as always!
But there comes a point when you have to find the courage to cross over to the other side and believe this actually may work for you. Because it cannot be the same as before. Because it’s been a whole year and you’ve put in so much work. So the past must inform the present but not steal it.
And maybe it’s the case of not taking a leap to the other side, but just a tiny step, one at a time which will be enough to change the flavour of the whole experience. A drop of optimism, a smile.
Ironman build starts in a week’s time. It is exciting having made it this far, and keeping a cool head about it. I think maybe that was the issue before, with every setback, there was this illusion that this was just a stumble and once gone, I should be able to be right ‘up there’.
There is no ‘up there’, there is no ‘should’.
There is A to B and many ways to get there. Just like done before, and with huge success and reward in terms of results and experience at the end.
No false hopes that this will be smooth sail, it’s not even meant to be!
But it’s time to trust and believe.
5 April 2022
‘There is only now’
We have a mantra.
7 April 2022
‘All you can control’
I really wanted to run the Kew Half Marathon next Sunday. It’s an unfinished business since back in 2018 when I had signed up for the 10K and was literally on crutches following my hip stress fracture.
Then I missed the Palace Half last year due to peroneal tendonitis.
But I knew there was a risk and when James said ‘but you’ll mess it all up’, not because he recognised that risk but because how it would mess up next week’s training, I initially resisted but then I thought, it’s really not worth it. What’s the point of doing a half-hearted race, and still be taking a risk, at this point in the build to a full Ironman.
So it unveils the whole approach I basically followed last year to get to the start line of Costa Navarino 70.3. Nail all you can control, day in, day out, to get to that start line.
Each session, each meal, and everything in-between, i.e. the recovery, the hygiene, the supplements, the bike set-up, your sleep, meditation, everything.
I spent the winter thinking how I could apply this approach day to day but it’s much easier when you have a timeline. It makes it a lot more specific and achievable for the mind, to be ‘all in’. And because that is so hard and requires so many sacrifices, it can’t be the case all year round. Now I get it, thanks coach!
Week 1 training TSS = 855
12 April 2022
Staying grounded
T-11 weeks
Week one complete! How exciting. A confidence-boosting, full of appreciation week of training. Not perfect but there was a good sense of peace, or more of an absence of agony rather. Does it get better than that?
Running three days in a row (added a Sunday brick session) was better than I thought although I can feel my shins complaining a bit today. I am trying to resist making a big deal out of this and take it one day at a time, no judgments on tomorrow or extra agony.
At the same time it’s a great reminder to stay grounded and not get over-excited and think I can do it all or have magically become invincible.
This won’t be perfect. Sessions will be missed and this could save the journey. I need to get my head around this, especially as things are going well and I start building this momentum of ‘ticking the boxes’... this tendency I have can put me in trouble.
At the same time, I got quite a good sense of the fatigue that’s coming my way. The weekend was hard. Scaringly so, given the trip to Greece I have planned next week. But at least I’ve learnt a few things and have some idea on how to manage my expectations and the training itself:
Not try to do it ALL. Travel, train, work, socialise. This is just silly and can only lead to setback, being illness or injury or who knows.
So starting by the things I can control, I’ve taken all the time off work. No point in trying to squeeze in any work for the sake of saving some leave.
Build in some redundancy, if possible. Do some key sessions early in the week before I go, sensibly planned and without adding extra risk.
Remove optional workouts.
Travel is a stressor in itself.
Top up with some supplements to account for the change in diet during the trip.
Overall, how I manage the stress of the trip is more important than ticking the boxes. This is the key to success, not only around the trip, but overall.
It’s Tuesday now and I feel recovered from the weekend already (minus the legs form yesterday’s run but note for next time: this could have been avoided altogether) and that’s down to disciplined sleep, the miraculous NSDR (Non-Sleep-Depp-Rest) I recently discovered which winds me right down and proper fueling.
This is it, more than the sessions themselves, let’s go!
SS Week 2 = 776; Week 3 = 763
29 April 2022
The dream
T-8.5 weeks
Back from Greece. Recovery week, which is week 4 already. Time flies!
I am always convinced that spending time in Greece is good for me. Be it the weather, the sun, the friends, my mom, the dogs. Even if training had to be manipulated, I thought this break was vital.
I’m getting better at managing these ‘disruptions’, and accepting this is life and trying to fit it all in (which is my spontaneous tendency), is only detrimental.
Pools were closed, so I would miss 2 swims. I managed to do one before I left (the long/key one) as I was feeling good swimming three days in a row, so I only missed one.
Cycling I had to modify to take advantage of the available climbs so that was good work done.
Running was as per plan, with my longest ever run of 2 hours and very hilly.
Most of all, I’m feeling good. I can’t believe I’m saying it and I’m sure this will be challenged but at the moment this feeling I had all winter of being on the edge is gone. I am feeling strong and recovering well. And for the first time I feel I understand what it means to prioritise recovery. Not compromising sleep for the sake of an early session if it can be done later. Getting all the fuel in. Resting whenever possible. Hours and hours of chilling, doing nothing. Probably the hardest skill I had to develop!
I am also enjoying the intensity which has gone down slightly, which allows us to go longer I suppose.
But overall... this is my dream! I am living it every single day, smiling quietly on the inside! And as the days go by, I am putting all the layers together to re-build my confidence. But I had to trust, I had to believe. Even a bit of a push by James in some moments I was doubtful may have been pivotal.
Thinking back when I was in RED-S recovery and not able to do any cardio, I was dreaming of building to a marathon. This has changed (slightly!) but this was always it, the long distance.
Somehow I always felt this is what I can be good at, there are these few times we’ve gone the extra distance and I feel I have this extra ‘tank’. I can’t wait to experience it, with all its ups and downs.
It is scary, but I can only have faith.
It is the dream and it is here and it is a privilege and I am grateful.
Week 4 TSS = 676
6 May 2022
Staying grounded
T-7.5 week
Right. This is it, we’re properly into it but it’s only going to get harder!
When training itself becomes a challenge. When you’re tired but you have to get out of the door... and sometimes surprise yourself!
I have told myself I will NEVER complain. THIS is what I wanted. To experience the training in full swing, to see where the limits are but mainly what’s possible. Not to be limited by injury all the time. So I will never complain when it’s going as it is, because I GET TO DO THIS!
Of course it’s a knife-edge, naturally for everyone at this point and until the start line. There is no room for complacency. Just one day at a time.
But I do wonder what is it that has made the difference, otherwise I cannot explain the change since the block started. The focus on recovery? The anchor of the race itself that drives me to be more careful to not compromise getting there? But how is the body following? How is it I am doing things I never thought possible only a few weeks ago? It just so happens that I was ‘finally ready’? Because I feel so damn good. Even soreness and tiredness feel at a healthy level, not on the edge as during the winter... I can’t explain it. One thing is for sure and it’s ‘funny’ - S&C has gone out of the window since I pulled my back. And I do feel guilty and every week I say I’ll get back into it but then I just don’t make the time. And then I’ve been feeling better than ever so was it detrimental? It’s such an odd thought.
No expectations and staying grounded is now the way to roll. Not getting caught up in the ‘perfection’ of hitting the sessions and not being afraid to step it back a little, if necessary. Each week builds on the previous but it all weighs in together...
Week 5 TSS = 751
26 May 2022
The Roller Coaster
T-4.5 weeks
Surreal.
What gets thrown at you when you’re ‘just’ trying to be fit and healthy ‘by appointment’ (=on race day)
.
The more time passes, the more invested you are. The point of ‘no return’ (=deferral) has passed. You’ve done the work so probably by now you’re fit to do it and there’s really less to gain as the time approaches.
So ‘what can go wrong?’, you ask.
When the biggest doubt you’ve always had was injury, everything else seemed trivial, and you feel stronger than ever.
And then one day you get stung by something while out running and you think nothing of it, until it gets infected and you start googling. Paranoia strikes - your rash looks a lot like those indicating Lyme disease. Could it be?! The GP, although reassuring, doesn’t exclude it (!) and you just have to manage your anxiety for the next few months, each time you get ‘flu-like symptoms’, including ‘muscle fatigue’ which is, your daily reality pretty much.
To top it, your husband gets back from his trip and you’re grateful as he can get you out of the paranoia with the sting bite. You hug and cuddle. He has cold symptoms but he tested negative for Covid, before you could hug and sleep in the same bed because, you know, this is a critical period leading to a major race and he understands. And then two days after and as his symptoms persist, he tests positive. Boom!
After 2.5 years of eluding it gracefully, the virus is in your own house.
You get hung up on your daily testing to win one more day of training before you have to stop, maybe. Manage your anxiety again.
You ask yourself, what happened? One moment I was completing sessions I didn’t even dream about, pushing myself to the limits, hitting life-time PBs in the process, wow. And then boom. The all familiar roller coaster of race preparation. The uncertainty and paranoia of every little thing, the fear of it compromising all you’ve worked for.
‘There is only now’, you tell yourself. It’s the only way. No matter how deep you dig into the internet, you will not find your answers about what’s going to happen. You just have to ride the damn thing.
TSS Week 6 = 1021; Week 7 = 761; Week 8 = 720; Week 9 = 1018
6 June 2022
Mind over Body
T-3 weeks
There are now those scary moments when you realise this is actually happening quite soon.
It’s tempting to constantly be judging your ability to complete it, as if you can get an answer.
In reality, you have to deal with the uncertainty until the gun goes, and then just do it!
I can feel the ‘innate focus’ I’ve been trying to cultivate more present. In reality, there is no time to contemplate on sessions. Nor is it easy to comprehend them anymore so all you have to do is show up and go through them.
It’s like when you start travelling longer for the first time. You’ve had the experience of a two-hour flight feeling very long and boring so how will you tolerate a four-hour one? Let alone a six or eleven-hour flight? But the thing is… it makes no difference after some point, you just get on the plane and you’re just there… because your brain cannot anticipate how long that is anymore.
Today I hit 3/3 of hypoxic pool lengths, never done before. I had only done it once and when James was not there. I was able to be present in those small instants where you can either panic or relax and keep going. Same with the session itself. No overthinking, just doing, allowing the body to do it.
And talking about the body… it’s been a real step up. It’s amazing to see and I am in awe. Things that felt hard now feel easy and the heart rate finally keeps low when it would climb before. And just this ability to Just - Keep - Going… it’s just awesome.
The sacrifice is real though. Truly to do this you can’t do anything else. Which is what I told myself for the level of triathlon I was doing already (i.e. to support 70.3 distance) but it simply wasn’t true. You just take all you thought applied before and just add the word ‘completely’ at the end. And that is Ironman. ‘You can’t miss sleep’ - completely. ‘You have to eat well’ - completely. ‘You can’t have a social life’ - completely. ‘You can’t travel for fun’ - completely.
It’s a complete commitment that puts everything into perspective. So much so I can’t wait to go back to what I was doing before and find it little! And have a life with it!
I am so glad I am doing this and how it’s gone so far. And this feeling of gratitude starts to overflow in all the long sessions I am out there alone, just thinking how privileged I am to even get a chance (by no chance at all of course) but it just makes it very special.
So it will all be about the mind that day. Visualising it, I want it to be like my first 70.3. Full of smiles and appreciation, cheering teammates and believing, the unbelievable.
10 June 2022
Innate Focus
T-2 weeks
How am I going to do this?
‘I will just BE.’
Leading to, during, when it feels good, when not so good, when tough. I will just BE there.
I will use these thoughts to help me:
I’ve done all the work so all left is to ‘trust and believe’
I trust my body to do it
Soft Focus
Be in the moment
Curious to see what happens!
I like doing hard things
Be brave, be a warrior
Make good decisions
Smile at my ego
Not long to go now. The noises are getting louder but my mind is getting more and more calm.
Week 10 TSS = 863
14 June 2022
Peace
T-12. Days!
There was this key moment. When I made peace with the fact that no matter what happens in the next few days leading into the race, no matter how I feel, I will not be able to gauge how this day is going to unfold. It just clicked in me, that it won’t happen until it’s happened.
So I sit back and relax… and the closer it gets, the calmer I feel.
I mean… who would have thought I’d get ALL the work done for this?! I still can’t believe it. Layer by layer, we got it done. And I am SO grateful, overwhelmingly grateful to be given the chance to do this as I have. It’s what I wanted and worked so hard for.
So now again, day by day, I need to be making all the right choices to make sure I get there.
I try to visualise it all, the business leading to it, and me being flat calm. That’s what I want and will strive for now.
TSS Week 11 = 550
15 July 2022
Numb
There was never a T. It all stopped at T-5 with a positive Covid test.
How to process something like this?
How to pick yourself up and move on?
Even for the most motivated, this is proper tough. Having done everything ‘right’, having been so diligent, proactive, patient. It’s heart-breaking. But not more so than an injury, that would have been a ‘real’ failure. At least for me, when its management has been my top priority. So at least this was achieved.
But now… what now? Full distance is off the cards for this year. It just doesn’t fit in with new job starting in August and two 70.3s coming up.
I was desperate to get back onto things but intensity is hard and painful. Most of all it’s how I manage myself around being in doubt about being tired or under-recovered.
Also I don’t even know where my fitness is at at the moment. It’s so hard as the high end stuff have suffered in any case.
The thing is… I care less and less. In a good way, I mean, in the end, you can do everything right and still have something like this happen. Not that I won’t do everything as best as I can again, but I have a feeling I will sweat less over it.
For example, previously I would have minded if James decided to split the 2x 70.3s in two builds when I was thinking of one build with a 70.3 in the middle. Now I just don’t care. So long as I do ‘some form of training’ suitable for the distance, I don’t care.
Maybe that’s a good thing.
At least I found the courage to come back here and write. That’s a step.
Perhaps I just need to apply ‘Trust and Believe’ all over again…
TSS Week ‘whatever’ = 697
21 July 2022
Sparkle
It’s been a few tough days back. Training hit me hard and in combination with loss of fitness, increasing intensity and still grieving the race missed, it all felt harder and more like a shock to the system. Inevitably, I kept thinking ‘how on earth am I going to do this all over again’?
The usual mistake of overreaching for the end. Getting daunted by the mountain instead of looking what’s right ahead and letting the negative narrative dominate. I mean, this just gave the overall feeling, I still went through the motions and did what I had to do, always felt better for it after but not exactly thirsty for the next which is my usual place.
And it’s working, momentum is slowly building. The body is feeling better (had a few days feeling like hit by a train which didn’t help!). Importantly I’ve had fun which reminds me why I do this.
If anything the Ironman block taught me more than anything to ‘not think, just do’ as the sessions were so daunting I did not even have the capacity to comprehend. So I ‘just did’ them, one by one and rep by rep and guess what, my body feels stronger and more robust than ever. That’s the greatest gift that can’t be taken away!
I still have to be careful of course but I don’t feel that fragile anymore. For the first time, I COULD run consecutive days. My legs would take it. Even if not 100% ready, they feel better after running. Not destroyed. A year ago I could barely make it to running every other day and could only really afford one track session every other week. That’s HUGE progress.
It’s what I always wanted! To be enabled to work hard and have my will power as the main obstacle to overcome, not my body breaking down. That’s the biggest reward as it has so much potential. Now that I think about it, it can be the best source of motivation that I’ve desperately been looking for the last few days! How far CAN you you go now that you actually CAN??
Ah little sparkle felt within! Let’s go let’s go!
Weekly TSS = 793